I grew as an only child with narcissistic parents who had no clue how to love me or connect with me. The loneliness I felt in my household was so intense that I had to learn ways of avoiding it. I learned to manage it by being an avid reader, drawing, painting and doing crafts, and spending as much time as I could outside or at friends’ houses. And I was never lonely at school. In fact, I had discovered so many ways of positively managing my loneliness that when people asked me if I was ever lonely, I always said “no.” Even in my very challenging 30-year marriage, with my angry and withdrawn husband, I denied being lonely until at least 20 years into the marriage.
All that time I was abandoning myself by disconnecting from my body and staying in my head so I couldn’t feel my loneliness—but as a result, I often felt alone inside.
Then one day, when I was out walking and doing my Inner Bonding process, I suddenly felt an intense burning sensation all through my torso. It scared me, and I asked my higher guidance what it was. Fortunately, but this time I had learned how to have a very direct and at-will connection with my spiritual guidance.
“Loneliness,” my guidance said.
“Loneliness? No wonder I’ve been avoiding this feeling. It hurts a lot! What am I supposed to do with this?” I asked her.
“Hang out with it. Learn from it. It has much to teach you.”
So I hung out with it for a couple of months, and I learned some of the most profound lessons I’ve ever learned.